Hamptons Extravaganza

I went to the Hamptons this weekend. It was my first-ever trip. I think I would have hated it as a snot-nosed liberal tyke of 18--too many blondes tooling around in Mercedes convertibles and Hummers--but since losing my rich boyfriend and Battery Park apartment, I have a lot of respect for money. So the girls in $100 bejewled flip-flops and the guys messing around with their boats didn't bother me a jot. Also, the architecture reminds me of Cape Cod, Eden of my youth.

I was staying at the five-bedroom house of my friend Jackie, whose father is an important oncologist. His second wife is thirty-four, pregnant, and slightly whiney. During the days, we went to the beach with stacks of shitty magazines (How can people read Cosmo? It's just so boring.) and then ate cotton candy ice cream. My boyfriend had stolen my debit card, so I had no cash, and Jackie had to pay for everything. It was embarrassing.